im about as happy as oj after his trial
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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