Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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