So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
