you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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