So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
