Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My penis needs a shock collar
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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