so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
