It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish you could order shots online.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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