she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
