Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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