im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
