i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
