I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
