Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
