Already got asked if we're dating
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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