i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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