Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
