i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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