A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
