hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
