I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
