At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
