Did you just see the Batmobile???
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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