Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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