the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
