Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
