just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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