mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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