I want to make a zoo with you.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
