I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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