Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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