just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize