At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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