Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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