Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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