I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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