Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
