Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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