You work out of a Hotel?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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