Can i not drive my cunt home
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
