I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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