I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
