Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
