He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
