I'm gonna have a badass scar
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
