Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
