Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
