i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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