but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
