I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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