woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
