some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
