Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The uberlube is also flammable
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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