we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
