Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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