my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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