His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
