Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
