dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
