some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found your dick twin last night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
