you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize