I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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