yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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