dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
