I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
