just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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