haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
