I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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