I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
