im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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