TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the day after is always just damage control
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
