apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize