Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
