I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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